Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You know, be my cock's hype man.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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