so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
