So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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