so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
