There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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