Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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