its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
