I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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