You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
