I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
