I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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