That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
