you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
