just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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