You work out of a Hotel?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Randomize
