i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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