I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
