I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
