I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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