In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
