we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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