If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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