ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
