I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
