I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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