I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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