i'm signing you up for texting rehab
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
