Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
