To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
