I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
