I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
