i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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