just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
