yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
