i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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