we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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