i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
