my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
