I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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