If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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