all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
