Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
