Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
