Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
