What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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