I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
