I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
