I can't breathe out the right side of my face
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
