I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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