How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
